"If you don't want to get touched, don't ride the bus"

Hola bitches. At present we are en route to Roma on the train. The last 24 hours or so have been a bit of a challenge, and we are all really looking forward to getting to our apartment in Rome and settling in for a few days.

We had an excellent final night in Venezia. We ate canal-side and finally had a decent Venetian meal. Our waiter was pretty friendly, but when we asked his name he said, “Bob.” Pretty sure that’s the name he tells Americans. After dinner we grabbed some gelato en route back to the hotel. MBA had arguably the best gelato we’ve had yet…meringue flavored, and totally to die for. E-Rock contends it was equally as good in flavor as what we had in Milan our first day, but not as good in consistency. I would disagree. But that’s what being in Italy is all about…disagreements that ultimately conclude with Steezy being right.

We departed the Corte Grimani early early on Sunday morning so we could maximize our one day/night in Florence. If you’re ever traveling to Venice with more than 4 people, we would all highly recommend this place. You have to get over the fact that the first floor smells like either a dirty diaper, a pool of stagnant water, or a dirty diaper that has been floating in stagnant water for more than a fortnight…but once you get past that it’s awesome.

We arrived in Florence a hop skip and a jump later, and immediately got off on the wrong foot. We couldn’t figure out which bus to take and in which direction. When we finally got on a bus it was jam-packed, and five girls with five 50 lb suitcases fit in like five whores in a cathedral on a Sunday morning (which we actually were about an hour later). After Liza endured an old man yelling at her in Italian for four stops we decided to hop off and find our way on foot. When we did find our hotel , which was (as expected) nothing to write home about, we were greeted with three flights of stairs and no elevator. GOOD! GREAT! WONDERFUL! NO YELLING ON THE BUS!

We got settled (meaning dropped our crap off and zoned out for 15 minutes) and grabbed a bite to eat at the first place we came to. It had 1 euro snacks that were quite tasty, burritos (which none of us got but that looked quite tasty) and had our first beers of the trip. This lifted everyone’s spirits a bit. I want to take a moment to personally thank the good people of Ebys on Borgo Pinti for serving 1 euro “corndogs.” You really made my day.

Moods lifted, we made our way to the Duomo, which was gorgeous on the outside, but nothing terribly impressive on the inside. Then we headed down the main drag over to Pallazo Vechio. Beautiful. The bizarrest thing about Florence is that every five feet there are street artists set up wanting to do caricatures of you. It’s like being outside of a Planet Hollywood in Dallas. I don’t know why you would come to Florence and pay 15 benjis to have some homeless man draw you with a fat nose and double chin OR would pay 15 benji’s for a funny drawing of Jason Priestly. But you know…what do I know?

We squeezed in the Uffizi and Accademia galleries in under 2 hours (our reserved time slots were the last available for Sunday and both are closed on Monday). In the Uffizi we all got impatient and accidentally skipped the two most important rooms. Thankfully we realized our mistake and back tracked to see Botticelli’s Birth of Venus and a few minor Da Vincis (it sounds so snobby saying “a few minor Da Vincis,” doesn’t it? Oh wait, are you calling me names now!? BACK OFF!!). We attempted to count the number of penises on the various sculptures, and lost count at 27. I’m going to go ahead and round that number up to 1000 for the sake of science.



At Accademia we saw David. He’s enormous and has really big hands (if you know what I’m saying). We also found the most awesome little sandwich shop (plus one to Rick Steves) and got a piatti misto, which is a mixed plate of meats and cheeses that we then took with us out to the Arno river and ate in view of the Ponte Vechio bridge, formerly the central haven of Rennaissance gold and silver shops (it was so good we returned today for paninis, which came with a free glass of wine. Plus two Rick Steves). We also took some time to enjoy 1.5 liters of Tuscan Chianti out on the original Rennaisance Piazza. You can’t really expect any of us to go more than say 2 hours without a drink on a piazza somewhere.

Dinner last night was possibly our finest overall meal yet. The restaurant was like a duomo itself, with frescoes on the ceiling and an adorable old fat man as host. We’ve decided that in addition to rating the best gelato, we’re rating the best gnocchi. Currently we have not found anything better than what we ate in Verona…but last night’s came damn close. We were surrounded by Americans, but it didn’t feel like a tourist haven either. Plus one to Rick Steves. We wandered about a bit, did some waltzing to a street singer singing Seal back at Palazza Vechio, and then ended the night with…YOU GUESSED IT…more vino at another little place by our hotel. The vino della casa was served from a tap into a ceramic pitcher, which had all of us bugging the f out. That may be an exaggeration.

This morning we decided to forgo another brutal bus trip and just walk to drop our bags at the train station (“Either way I’m going to bitch a little bit”). After this we wandered around some more, seeing more shit. It was kind of like a mini pub crawl because we’d walk about 15 minutes and then plop down for a glass of wine. LJ whipped out the b-berry to check the NCAA tourney brackets for those of us who cared, and then I did the crossword puzzle all by myself without her help whatsoever because I’m way smarter than she is. BURN!!!

So Florence was a little stressful, but I think we’re all glad we added it to the itinerary. The biggest adjustment was having to deal with cars and streets again. Venice is really one-of-a-kind in that respect. Now we’re on the train through Tuscany bound for Rome. We have a little apartment rented for the next four nights, and we are all excited to have some time to let our suitcases explode into a messy pile of dirty clothes, and that we’ll have a little open air terrace on which to enjoy some prosecco and vino rosso. E-Roc and I are still neck and neck on the drink tally, but she’s moved one ahead of me thanks to an unauthorized stop she and Liza made last night before dinner. We do both find it amusing that of the, say, 70 or so glasses of whatever we’ve had that only one has been a beer, and none have been white wine. We’re putting it at about 80 percent red wine 19 percent prosecco, 1 percent other (and I’m personally including water under “other.”).

Okay more than enough for now. Our goals for Rome are to relax, eat and drink well, and make out with strangers. Shouldn’t be a problem.

Update: We just arrived at our apartment and it is....THE SHIT. Fidelity: prepared to be impressed.