Table for one?

When plotting our trip, we decided to come to Waiheke because it’s a bit of a remote island, but a remote island with 17 wineries on it. Interesting fact: it’s about the same size as Manhattan, but has 7,000 people on it, instead of 42 million. Original plan was to drop our stuff at a lodge, rent bikes, and ride from tasting room to tasting room.

Thankfully for me, Liza likes making friends, and a few weeks back met a guy in Auckland who lives here and has worked as a chef at several of the wineries. They emailed a few times as she asked him for his recommendations and such. He did us, oh, say….1 million times better. He picked us up at the ferry, took us to his “aunt’s house” to stay, and then spent the day driving us around to an assortment of the vineyards, making us lunch, making us dinner, etc, etc. Let me just say, big fan of Matty NZed (as we’ve been calling him), and thankful that he is not a murderer (as I may have briefly feared).

Matty told us that Lady Gaga had dinner a few weeks ago at the first winery we went to, Mudbrick. When he heard she would be there he phoned them up and tried to reserve a table for one so he could stare at her from the corner. They said no. Then turns out she didn’t actually have dinner there, so really they said no because they didn’t want a strange guy eating dinner by himself in the corner. I don’t know why this story amuses me so, but it does.

For lunch, we went to his friend Steve’s house for sandwiches. Steve lives right on the beach, up in the hillside, with a ridic view. I could see Russia from his house. Steve’s family owns a vineyard, and we had one of their wines later with dinner. Probably one of the best wines I’ve ever had. There was supposed to be a fishing competition on the island today too, and we tried to go and watch the weigh-in so I could pick up a fisherman, but we couldn’t find it. So instead, I picked up a fisherman on the side of the road, lookin all fly in his swangis and gumboots (duck boots?)

We had dinner back at the house where we’re staying with Matty NZed’s “aunt” Sarah Phillips, who is pretty awesome. We confessed we were a little nervous initially about staying here and being murdered, and turns out she was a little nervous about us staying there and being boring. If there is one thing we are not, it’s boring. Matty made us some prawns and tortolini for dinner (really…this is my life), and I impressed people with stories I made up about what I do for Natty G. I also learned what Liza is researching here, but I already forgot. I do know that every time she says “climate change” people laugh.

Plans for tomorrow have been slightl y adjusted. Steve has offered to take us out on his boat for a water tour of the island and some spear fishing. Sarah Phillips called it “Survivor: Waiheke,” and I’m looking really forward to forming an alliance with Liza and then backstabbing her. After that, we are presumably on a ferry back to Auckland for a short walking tour (RICK STEVES STYLE) and then in a car and on our way to Taupo.

Things I’ve learned so far
-Liza went to equestrian camp as a child. What?

-Though NZedders speak English they really don’t. Between their accents and their lingo, I’m doing a lot of polite nodding, laughing along, and looking at Liza panic stricken for a translation. My favorite word of the day is pokies, which means slot machines.

-In coffee shops they have a drink called a flat white, that’s the same as a latte. Except they also have lattes on the menu. They also serve long blacks (that’s what she said) which is the same as an espresso. Except they also have espresso on the menu. Liza cannot explain this. She’s fired.

-I’m told wild pigs in New Zealand look like bears. But then what do the bears look like?

-It’s not clear if anyone I’ve met so far actually has a job. They all seem to work for a while and then not work for a while. Steve just moved back to Waiheke from Auckland, where he was a condom salesman. I told him I’d help him with publicity for his own condom import/export business, since the Maori are major breeders, but he says it’s a losing battle. Instead I’m gong to help the guys with their tourism business “Matty and Steves Wild Waiheke Adventure Tours.” Book online today and save!

-In my Entertainment Weekly, there’s an interview with Zach Gilifinakis in which he discusses keeping a fart tally while on a road trip across the country with two friends. I thought perhaps Liza and I could do this. She pointed out that it wouldn’t be that interesting without E-Roc, who practices fart-sploitation. I’ll just say that after all the cream in my Matty NZed’s meal last nite, I’d be way ahead.

-I’m going to be cold for the next 13 days.

Lights out for me was about 8 pm last night, so naturally, it’s 5 am and im up and at ‘em ready to get my fishing on.