For me, wine in Italy is like a cup of coffee for normal people

Today's subject line is brought to you by Snooki, from the most recent episode of "Jersey Shore," which, THANK GOD, I'm finally caught up on. Phew...been worried for two weeks about whether I'd be able to do so. Among the many adjustments to being home (besides going to something called "work"), is not having a glass of wine, prosecco or cava at any meal I choose, no matter what the hour. That, above all else, is a sign that vacation is over. And that is sucktard.

Go to Tuscany? Go to Rome? Go to Barcelona? Go to Costa Brava? Go to London? Many people would be thrilled to get to do just two of those in a lifetime. I got to do them all in two weeks. We don't seem to ever learn our lesson about keeping our vacations simple, and still, somehow, this trip was more relaxing than any of those that preceded it. It probably wasn't perfect, but you're a jerk so shut up.

Some lessons learned:
-You're never too old to stop making up dances to top hits.
-For all the conveniences America has over Europe...we're fat because of it.
-Liza doesn't like guessing at directions
-One of us has perfect nipples
-It's never too early for cava
-Five hours on the beach for three days will give you the best tan of your life
-I need to learn synonyms for "amazing" and "awesome."
-Wardrobe gimmicks: always a good idea
-Tapas taste better in Spain
-Never hesitate to eat at the Taint
-If you want your picture taken, just yell "POR FAVOR" at people

Official Playlist of TOD2.0:ROTM:
1. Give Me Everything - Pitbull feat. Ne-Yo
2. Home - Edward Sharp & the Magnetic Zeroes
3. Mr. Saxobeat - Alexandra Stan
4. Countdown - Beyonce
5. Houdini (or some other craptastic song) - Foster the People
6.Good Life - OneRepublic

And finally, I came across this at work today, and it could not be a more accurate representation of why these vacations always excel at awesomeness: because we are the perfect traveling companions. Here's a breakdown using Vagabond's five tips as a guide:

1. Have Something in Common: What do we have in common? Drinking problems (DEFINE PROBLEM!) and dance parties.

2. Avoid Neurotic Travelers: If anyone is the neurotic traveler, it's me. I'm the one who needs spreadsheets and plans and reassurances. Liza says she likes to travel with me because she doesn't have to do anything. That's a pretty mean thing to say, but okay, she might be right. I think the real tip here is "Avoid Neurotic Travelers (Unless they're Steezy and they're adorable).

3. Agree on a Similar Budget: We do, and it always involves many bottles of wine and not actually going inside places.

4. Road Test Your Travel Companion: Liza and EOB have known each other 20 years; I rarely go 48 hours without seeing EOB; Liza and I bonded over kiddie pools and public break-ups; LJ and I like playing the game of "who can say something more offensive." We're pretty well road-tested, me thinks.

5. Make Sure You Can Talk: Um, covered.

In short, I'd travel with these bitches to the moon. Thanks for another top notch adventure, and let's get the spreadsheets warmed up for the next one.