A Vacation? Well That Certainly Couldn't Do Us Any Parma

Ugh, it's been too long. I mean, right?

But it's time for me and Liza to hit the road again. Here's a list of things that might surprise you about this trip:

1 - No spreadsheet was involved

2 - No spreadsheet is involved.

3 - No spreadsheet will be involved

So where are we going? Great question. Thanks for asking. Here's the backstory you didn't ask for. We can all agree being an adult f-ing sucks, and, as such, being an adult has caused us both to delay our annual vakay for far too long and, on top of that, to delay our South American sojourn to the wild world of Argentina for another year. I don't really want to talk about that, but just when it became clear that work and life were keeping us far too busy to plan the Trip of Destiny 5.0, another opportunity presented itself. After 4 years, Liza is leaving Rome to the second most exotic place in the world: London. Sidebar: I'm not saying she's Kate Middleton's surrogate, but I'm not NOT saying that...I have never seen a picture of the two of them together, so there's that. Think about it.

In addition to being some sort of "huge" life event for her, this means I will probably NEVER EVER EVER GO TO ITALY EVER AGAIN. AND THAT IS A F***ING TERRIBLE THING TO DO TO A FRIEND.

So as a way of making it up to me, I'm headed to Rome to have Liza show me all the places in Italy that she really wanted to go to but never did. It's a huge inconvenience for her, but I don't really care. What exactly does that entail? First and foremost 3 days in the Emilia Romagna region. Never heard of it? Oh, sorry, have you ever heard of parmesan cheese? Balsamic vinegar? PROSCIUTTO!? Then you've heard to Emilia Romagna. And obviously since you know how much we love cured meats, we're staying in Parma, the heart of prosciutto land. It's going to be salty and wonderful and I can't wait. After that, we'll swing through Rome so I can learn more about Pontius Pilate and then expense my whole trip, before heading to the island of Ischia, which is a short ferry ride from Naples, and is known for being (1) less touristy than Capri and (2) thermal water. Oh. Hell. Yes.

So that's the plan. Nobody spoil Empire or Scandal or How To Get Away With Murder or The Americans or The Blacklist or Vanderpump Rules or The Bachelor or Jane The Virgin or Top Chef or Parks & Recreation or The Mindy Project or Downton Abbey while I'm gone. That would really upset me.

CAST:

SEE YA ON THE FLIPPY FLOP!