This Is How We Deux It

You were worried, weren't you? I can tell.

BUT WE'RE BACK! LIKE N*SYNC! LIKE AMANDA BYNES IN COURT! LIKE YOUR SPINE!

Literally a year to the day since my return from Portogallo. Boy, things have changed a lot for me since then I got a Netflix description. I discovered kale. I rediscovered "Murder She Wrote." And I co-starred in a documentary made by and starring the greatest human being on the planet. But one thing will NEVER change and that is the annual over-planned and overly-awesome trip to some place fabulous.

So welcome to TRIP OF DESTINY v.5. The location: The French Riviera and Corsica. The reason: just because. The characters: both new and familiar.

LIZA
She is solving hunger in Africa. She has a boyfriend who is an Italian rock star with the voice of an angel. She likes stepping on logs falling backwards into his arms while he points to a bird in the distance. She apparently speaks French...probably because it's the language of love.

THE HEFF
She has a job I still don't understand. She is not afraid to curse the shit out of you. She enjoys going on vacations that are already planned for her. She is an innovator in the art of four-person pyramids.

LA MER
She sleeps...a lot. She joins trips that are already planned for her REALLY late. She can rock a theme party like no one's business. She likes pickle backs and piggy backs (I'm guessing...she's pretty little).

QUEEN B
The previously mentioned best human being alive, possibly ever (apologies to Jesus)

STEEZER
Second best overall.

So what's the plan? Me, Liza and The Heff arrive to Nice on Saturday, and La Mer on Sunday. We'll putz around the Riviera, riding bicycles and drinking wine and maybe going to a beach IF WE HAVE TIME. After four days we will hop a ferry for the magical island of Corsica. The first two days we will drink wine and ride bicycles and maybe go to a beach IF WE HAVE TIME. Then Fids and Le Mer go home, and Liza and I will continue through the rest of the island, hiking, and eating, and biking, and kayaking, and drinking, and swimming, and diving, and going to the beach IF WE HAVE TIME. Back to our parts of the world on Sept. 12.

As usual, I'll document as much as I can, and what I don't document Liza will point out to me since she loves bringing attention to my shortcomings. Most of the jokes you won't get, and the posts will be too long. So buckle up and enjoy!